I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
