I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
