omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
