I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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