its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
