some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
