I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
