i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
