Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
