she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
