sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
