after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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