I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
false alarm. still invincible.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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