omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
