I've blown a few things in my day
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
3 2 1 whiskey
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
