well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
