Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
that is very illegal...i love you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
