now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
