why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
