Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize