how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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