if i can run in heels then i can drive
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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