Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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