Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
