I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
