People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
