If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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