he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she told me i tasted like america
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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