'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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