Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
