I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
