hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
