Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
