I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize