I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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