I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
