honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
