my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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