I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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