For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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