he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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