return my video game
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
