glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
