I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
