Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
