very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
