Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
