What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
