i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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