You smell like a Billy Joel song
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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