Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
