I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
