he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
