I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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