I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize