Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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