Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
