Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
