I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
