He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You work out of a Hotel?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
