ugly people sure do ruin things
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
