I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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