Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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