she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
