can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
