Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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