if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
